January 2010
7 posts
1 tag
Resolutions
The inner child only grows more and more present when we realize we’ve become adults. For as a child the world was black and white, and gray and there was no rules or order because the world was as the world is, and the world may be. It is only when we grow, that we create distinctions within the world that we live, not holding meaning to these distinctions in themselves but meaning in the...
December 2009
18 posts
Update - Reminding myself that I like Quantity
Skip if you hate reading about people’s small detailed lives. This just makes me feel better about wasting a week/semester on doing things that I maybe I can feel even a little proud about.
Arrived in Oakland midnight on Monday, flight was delayed for an hour, but I busying myself with 100 Years of Solitude
Had period, moody about L, pissed that the airport dunk and donuts ran out of...
friends, boy friends, boys
can’t live with them
can’t live without them
Karma
I’ve always believed that the bad parts of life only existed so we could experience happiness in the better parts of life
Those that are never sad are never really happy but perhaps very content
That’s why when I’m sad I have hope that things will get better
But when I’m happy I’m worried something may happen
Being worried, hoping for something better — this...
Is it wrong
That I still love him? Even though I don’t love myself, or he himself so that we can probably not right now, love each other fully?
I shall not escape reality
I can not give you
the answers to your life
and I can not forgive you
Only god can
We've accepted each other for who we are
Only to realize that we didn’t like what we were showing
Because we didn’t like ourselves (except I’ve come to terms with my dislike as a way to motivate myself, and you’ve come to terms with your dislike by hiding in a dream)
But we could no longer live in the dream that was built between us
There are two paths we can go now:
To part and find those that will inspire us...
Tensions of perfection
I’ve been thinking about it alot. Why am I not attracted to L as I have been to other guys and I think I figured out why.
This is a general concern only thought about because in our last few sessions I’m always worried about him, and not myself. Perhaps it will be resolved, I hope it is
He’s like my best friend - Liz (they were born in the same month)
He doesn’t inspire...
Love love love
too much love
God
I love him so much.
I hope you're ok
Because I care about you a lot
<3
I'm surprised though
It makes much more sense to me now, I was afraid to tell you I didn’t buy anything you were saying or doing because I don’t trust you but I didn’t want you to run away because (and I’m surprised at myself that)
I miss you
I love hearing your breath, your voice
I think you’re cute, your imperfections are sincerely charming
I care about you as a friend first
You...
I am
Not someone you’re suppose to love
I need to understand
It seems since I’ve been here that my arguments, my opinions, my whims are not enough as persuasive articulation to describe my actions but I need to step back and actually say what I feel and not be afraid of what people will say against it because they always do (even my mother)
I like him, I love him, I do not trust him
And I don’t want to be pressured to make the choice of seeing...
I can't go back now
Or at least he said so. I don’t really believe anything he says just because it’s really not in my personality to accept reality anyway.
Things are going well, he’s right, my mum’s right, I don’t have to worry about anything, I mean i can worry, but worry a little and then let it go - moving on is something I’ve been having a problem with because thinking makes...
I can't put my finger on it
IS this Love?
When you miss someone you just saw yesterday so much your heart hurts,
When the air and the wind remind you of his touch
When you have things he gave you and can’t stop using them, thinking of him
When you go on a wonderful date and all you wanted to do was be around him (succcchhhhh good dates, we went ice skating, and walked around and got desert too, now he’s going...
Feeling Connected...the superficial?
I’ve been lucky in seeing people I know everywhere these days on passing:
Pfoho dining hall - Jackson
Lamont - Wilson
Fly By - Ryan, Julia, Courtney, Arturo
Dining Hall - Brandon, Weina, Detric
Barker Center - Alex
Ec 10 Lecture - Katie, Maya
From Qudditch Practice - Song
At Breakfast - Adrian
Lamont circulation desk - Caroline
Gmail Chat - (5am) Rebecca
Thanksgiving break - Yumi,...
Feeling Connected
In all and all a lot as passed these last few weeks
But I wonder
If I feel vested in the world now because it
I actually prayed to God one of those vague days to send me a sign make me feel like everything that happens in my life has meaning again, that every movement I make makes a difference, that ever person I talk to and meet impacts the way the world works. For the past year I have events...