Feeling Connected
In all and all a lot as passed these last few weeks
But I wonder
If I feel vested in the world now because it
I actually prayed to God one of those vague days to send me a sign make me feel like everything that happens in my life has meaning again, that every movement I make makes a difference, that ever person I talk to and meet impacts the way the world works. For the past year I have events shake me, I have become loose, I forget the last day because I don’t want to remember it, because I don’t want to remember the pain even though there may be some good. And even if there is something good I can only describe it in the lenses given to me by society, I name it off, I don’t FEEL it.
I don’t believe it
I don’t feel connected yet
And perhaps time will make me fonder, but right now and for the past which I can’t even recall, of the readings I don’t even care about, the grades I will get, the people I should meet, the meetings I have missed, the work that I’ve done, it’s all nothing as long as I get to talk to you, yet even with you I forget
The significance of the passing events, they have no reason to me, no relationship of beauty which defines the events we can not explain - for there are too many things I just want to forget
I want to believe you will connect me
You were the real sign
